strange things...

Its strange how one moment you can be going good...then the next have things turned upside-down and still the next have things righted again.

I have two jobs now. The new one I am enjoying so far. As with all serving positions it is having its stressful moments but the support system that is the work enviroment is so much different. Its amazing. I go from one place and am questioned as to whether or not I am going to show up on the next day I work (I do admit that I have been away for 10 days but still) to another that makes me feel totally comfortable just talking about anything. One that I have problems with Management to one whose Management seems to want to give people that oppurtunity to be the best that they can be. From one where the simplest things can prevent someone from getting a raise even though they work their tails off to one that has more room for growth and more of a chance for one to transfer between departments and to also be promoted. Another difference would be that one is higher class than the other.

At the one job, people from all walks of life go to shop...at the other it is higher-class people or people who have a little bit of spare change.

this is how I feel...

Its my 20th birthday and this pretty much sums part of what I am feeling:

What Hurts The Most


I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let them out
I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while
Even though going on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm ok
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losing you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' It
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still Harder
Getting up, getting dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And having so much to say
And watching you walk away
And never knowing
What could have been
And not seeing that loving you
Is what I was trying to do

Not seeing that loving you
That's what I was trying to do

Melissa @{-------

Long time, no write...

Been a while, I know...I really dont know why I havent written but  I havent really felt like it. Well, here is an update.

Things have been going like before...Work, Driving people to where they need to go, go home, chat and start again.

I was able to take about a 2 hour walk on Thursday and was able to relax and not have to think about where I needed to be next. Which was nice as I have had to think about what is next, whether or not I have a car or ride, whats going to happen next...but Im trying to learn to deal. Its hard though.

I have made some new friends and that is really cool. Most of them are from work but that is still cool cause then I have someone to talk to at least. A lot of the time we just talk about work as it is strenous. For some, it is more so than others.  That really depends on what department you are in.

Work is sometimes better than other times. I have my days where I just get fed up and want to quit but so far Ive been able to tough it out. In a way, this is strengthening as well as frustrating. Other times, working with the customers is satisfying. Just knowing that you found them what they were looking for or something close to it is a wonderful feeling. I have even gotten a Service award for a well-satisfied customer. The relationship between associates is interesting too. There are the departments that work together and those that have their issues. Some associates get along great and seem to support each other through it all or through most depending on what season it is. Some of the worst seasons are the months just before Christmas (of course) and then Easter (for dresses and kids). My department is going to get hit pretty hard soon if the weather decides to stay bright and sunny. If it does then we will sell more flip-flops and sunglasses.
     It is interesting to learn about the people you help and the people you work with. Customers are everything from hearing to deaf, old to young, married to dating to having kids to pregnant. The most memorable so far are the ones who can be anything from normal to strange. One woman named Jackie came in a few times and kept buying and returning and buying and returning purses. Sometimes several times a day. The one thing you notice about her is the way she talks, a sign that she has mental problem and that may be why she does what she does. Others that stand out are the ones who are grateful for the effort you put out to help them. I have helped find handbags, evening purses, belts, jewelry, eb5 and perfumes/colognes that are just what the person is looking for. Sometimes it works out in minutes and others take a while. All are excuses to figure out what is in the department again and again..
      You get all sorts of questions like: Where are the Restrooms? Where is the Childrens/Mens/Petites/Womens/Dresses etc? I saw this item in the ad...where can I find it? Some questions are wierd and others are just ones that you cant answer. Do you have white gloves? Well, that one I can answer, no we dont, the only ones we have are for kids. The answer to the question:Where do you find pots and pans/curtians/carpet/furniture/towels and bed sheets? At the Home Store at 119th and Metcalf.

The next big event is my sister's Graduation. That is on Friday. It should be interesting to see how it all plays out.

That is it for now.
Till next time (hopefully sooner than later),
Melissa
    

okay, lets type an entry out...This week has been pretty interesting and wonderful at the same time.

Mon I worked and that was different because I usually work from about 12-6 and this monday I worked 1-10. I got to work with an associate that I dont work with very often and that was cool...we got to talk a lot.

Okay, so lets just get this said and done...Wednesday of last week was Valentines Day. I spent the whole day getting reading for my evening. Shower, hair, makeup, dress. All got done with minutes to spare.

The whole evening was wonderful...Joshua took me to Skies. Which is this expensive restuarant on top of the Hyatt downtown and it revolves so that no matter where you sit you end up seeing the whole 360-view by the end of your dinner. For dinner, we had (Appetizer), Crawfish Bisque and Blue Crab Claws, (Entree) Steak and Rack of Lamb and (Dessert) A chocolate shell with some ice cream in it. Everything was delicious and the bread that was sent to us at our table was also really good (for a filler...). After dinner, we went to see Joshua's favorite drive into the city. It was really cool. You come around this curve and VIOLA!! there is Kansas City! It was really cool. Then we went to see a movie.

Music and Lyrics was really good. It was a movie about an 80s has-been who had been given the task of writing a song for the hippest singer of the time. Cora (Haley Bennett) wants a song entitled "Way back into Love" because she just broke up with her boyfriend and wants to write a song about how she feels. So, Alex Fletcher (Hugh Grant) is the 80s has-been who sings at reunion and at theme parks who is the one that Cora wants to write her song. Problem is...he isnt a lyricist, he was the harmonist in the band he was in. Writing melodies came naturally to him. To find a lyricist, he turns (at first) to Cora's last lyricist. An Avril Lavigne kind of lyrics writer. In comes Sophie Fisher (Drew Barrymore) to water that plants. Sophie had come once before but then overheard Alex and his manager talking about writing and then "cut" herself on a cactus and "thought" she might have an infection and then left the apartment quickly. This time around she busied herself watering the plants and then suddenly burst out into a phrase from what the lyricist and Alex were trying to come up with. Thus started a hesitant partnership. Sophie as the lyricist and Alex as the melody writer. The songs slowly takes form and then they let Cora listen to it. She likes it. But then she comes up with a new intro and tries to ruin the song. At least in Sophie opinion it is ruining a song that has a soul and making it into something that its not. When she goes to tell Cora this, she is discouraged by Alex but then she takes the oppurtunity and does and when she doesnt convince Cora of how she feels, she gets upset and cant finish the song. She does though and faxes the ending to Cora at her studio. The question that remains though is:  Does Cora get convinced to sing the song the original way? Or does she take her passion to dance and include that in the intro with her Indien vibe that she loves? Do Alex and Sophie get together in the end? Or do their different viewpoints stand in the way?

Overall, I liked this movie. The song that they wrote was catchy but according to Joshua not very good (what would I know though? I only grew up around music but never learned about the mechanics of a songs and what makes one good.) I think that this movie was worth it and I would go see it agian.

The best part of the evening came before the movie but I am going to say it last so that you can see how special it was. In the car, in the parking lot, at the movie theater, in Olathe, in Kansas, In the US of A, In the world, in the universe...Joshua told me about how promises mean a lot to both of us. That I wore a gold ring in the shape of two hearts joined together on my left hand as a symbol to God that I promised him that I wouldnt have sex before marriage. He promised me that, with a white gold and diamond ring, he would ask me to marry him someday. So, on my right hand, I now wear a promise ring...one that is extremely special to me.

So, that is the big news of the week...nothing really big happened the rest of the week....unless you count getting 2 ICAPS at work on Saturday as big but I dont....So, here is where I shall end and I will (hopefully) update again soon.

Melissa

She's a Butterfly

ok...I might as well admit it...I have a butterfly fetish...but there is a reason and that reason is said best in this song:

"She remembers when she first got her wings
And how she opened up the day she learned to sing
Then the colors came, erased the black and white
And her whole world changed when she realized

She's a butterfly, pretty as the crimson sky
Nothing's ever gonna bring her down
And everywhere she goes
Everybody knows she's so glad to be alive
She's a butterfly

Like the purest light in a darkened world
So much hope inside such a lovely girl
You should see her fly, it's almost magical
It makes you wanna cry, she's so beautiful

She's a butterfly, pretty as the crimson sky
Nothing's ever gonna bring her down
And everywhere she goes
Everybody knows she's so glad to be alive
She's a butterfly

God bless the butterfly
Give her the strength to fly
Never let her wings touch the ground
(God bless the butterfly)
God bless the butterfly
Give her the strength to fly
Never let her wings touch the ground

Oh, she's a butterfly, pretty as the crimson sky
Nothin's ever gonna bring her down
And everywhere she goes
Everybody knows she's so glad to be alive
She's a butterfly
She's a butterfly
She's a butterfly

God bless the butterfly
Give her the strength to fly
Never let her wings touch the ground
(God bless the butterfly)
God bless the butterfly
Give her the strength to fly
Never let her wings touch the ground"

So, that is the reason....Melissa